Fast forward to this day. February 17, 2016. It's been quite some time since my last blog post, so I have to fill you guys in. So as you can see from my first ever blog posts (if you haven't read them please stop here and go back and read them, you'll need to know certain things to understand this post). Anyway, I began this journey began in October of 2014 and can I tell you, so many things have changed. Grab a cup of your favorite tea & continue reading.


So I told you guys about my exof eight years, how things finally ended and how God began to restore me. I went into life's ICU and got the healing that I needed to be completely restored back to my old crazy, outgoing self again. And then, the wave of sadness hit yet again. I was sure that the last time would be the last time, and it was, for him. I can honestly say we're done! *ques applause for finally stopping what seemed to be a never ending cycle* But anyway, once that was over, I found myself longing for the love and support of everyone else. I still hadn't quite learned how to be SINGLE yet. So for a while I was fine, happy, living my life and loving every minute of it. Until reality hit, I had lost my best friend. We met in middle school and we started off as really close friends and over the years things kind of turned into more than that. We had history, and that was gone. But I hadn't just lost him as a friend, it seemed that all at once, I looked up and all of my best friends were now my ex friends. It's like I began to lose every close friend I ever had. I grew bitter and lonely. It was like Okay God, I can deal with losing the relationship but Gosh, all of my friends to?! Things got tough. I started questioning God and becoming really cold and distant with him. I didn't understand what was happening in those moments. I found myself trying to catch hold of everything I could in fear that I was getting ready to lose it all.


The unhealthy patterns of going back n forth, out of that one relationship started to impact other areas. So like many of us, I found myself in another situation not long after that one ended. And again it was with someone from the past. And in some ways I found myself desperately searching to fill those empty spots with friends. And I felt the pressures of my age, everyone around me was getting engaged, married or having kids. For the first time ever since my middle school years I was the outsider. The one that just couldn't quite relate. I just knew growing up that I would be the one scrolling down the aisle by 25. But there I was one month post turning 25, feeling like all of my dreams, goals and deadlines had been completely shattered. I was Single, again.


Can I be completely honest with you guys? I was terrified. Terrified to be single. Terrified to step into this ministry. Terrified to end things when all of my guy friends that I was once just "talking to". The thought literally made me feel empty inside. How can I encourage single women when I really didn't want to be single at that time. How can I write posts about self love and living happily single yet I so desired to be in a relationship. How can I say: "you'll lose a lot of friends following Jesus", and in that moment I wanted all my friends back and Jesus, if he chose to stay. I'm just being completely real with you guys.


I had to completely hit rock bottom. I stopped posting on the unweddedyetsustained social media sites for a while. And then I found myself deleting the Instagram altogether because I had decided that I didn't want to be single anymore. Ha. It's funny how our desire to be in love causes us to disobey the Lord.


So there I was, 25, no kids, no ring, no friends. What was a girl to do?! LIVE!So I started again, I started encouraging myself and making moves. I got up one day and decided that I was no longer benefiting from being in the environment I was once living in and I had just had it with the job I was in at that time so I started to pray for change. And it seemed like all in a flash of an eye I was living in a new state (Georgia) leaving behind all the old things in (Florida).


And I was learning to be alone; and learning to fight for the things that I believed in, like this ministry. Removing people that weren't pushing me towards my purpose and pursuing my career goals. And finally, I wasn't running away from my single season, I was running into it.



I had to learn a few things. Like, God is in control of my life and my job is to be the vessel that his blood runs through. I am his witness. I can't run away from him every time things get tough, I have to confront things and deal with them. And with his help I'm learning to be okay with everything that I am right now including: being single.

And here's 5 things I've learned on this journey back to being happily single:

1. Don't let the fear of being single stop you from obeying God

2. Being happily single does not mean you lack the desire to be in a relationship it means that you're content with YOU, whether you are in one or not

3. Moving on can sometimes be literal. It may mean that you find yourself desiring to Move to another state, switch schools, leave that old job and start a new. Don't limit yourself to one place, who knows where you'll end up meeting you future mate, try something different even if it's a new coffee spot down the road or a new cafè, but whatever you do, do with the intent to move on!

4. No matter how many times you have had to start over never regret the process. The joy I find in knowing that some day I will have to completely start over with someone new is greater than my fear of it. Some people stay in relationships simply because they are afraid to start over. Starting over is the perfect way to start again. It's the perfect place to revisit your standards and relationship goals while working on yourself in the mean time. What should be scarier is being in a mediocre relationship, forever!

5. Some days are going to simply: TOUGH. Let's be honest here, we are human and our human desire is to love. We will want to be in love. We will want marriage. We will have days where we will want to just settle for our exes out of fear of never meeting our boas. We will struggle and cry and be in pain. Seasons will change and some of us will remain Single, and that's okay. The main thing is to keep our eyes on the Lord, he will help us through.

And of course continue to follow, repost and tag your friends to the unweddedyetsustained movement because I will continue to encourage you on this journey to! We're in this together!

Love always,

Janay

xoxox